Cheese, or lack of it.

Husband: Were you aware that all the cheese you bought at the store is missing? Well, except for the 2 little blocks of it.

Me: I KNOW! FUCKING CHEESE THIEF!

There are cheese sticks too.

Husband: I don't know what the hell we'll put on dinner tonight.

Me: There's mozzarella in the back.

Husband: Well that's going on dinner. Plus the rest of the Parmesan. This house gets an S- for it's cheese situation!!
Me: I think you'll survive until I go shopping again. We don't need any emer-cheese

Husband: Not if there is no cheese for a sandwich.  I'll probably die. EMER CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I ate a sandwich without cheese today. It was really good. It tasted like ham!

Husband: What are we, Amish?

Me: Amish eat cheese.

Husband: WELL THERE YOU GO! We're WORSE OFF THAN THE AMISH!

Me: I AM NOT MAKING AN EXTRA TRIP TO THE STORE FOR CHEESE!

Husband: Oh the horror.  THE HORROR!!!!  Wait until Lil' Fella finds out! Hell even Stinky stopped jumping in his jumper. He said a life without cheese is not a life worth living. That's pretty deep for a baby.

Me: A baby who can't even have cheese yet.

Husband: Well I guess that settles it. The terrorists won.

Me: That's a lot of drama for some cheese honey bun.

Crocs

Me: Look! I got cute new crocs today!

Husband: I didn't know those were crocs. I guess you never want to have sex again.

Me: Um, the black shoes I've been wearing for two years are crocs.

Husband: Shit, then clearly our son does not exist. Because this: