On the other hand...

So, Husband has been on prednisone treatment for the past couple months. He had a follow up visit with his doctor today.

Doctor: So how have the side effects been?
Husband: Well, I've gained a few pounds.
Doctor: Well, a few pounds is manageable. How about mood swings?
Husband: *thought bubble* Fucking manageable? Fuck you, twat! You're a skinny ass fucker telling my fat ass to deal with it! Fuck you! I hate your face and I want to see it on fucking fire!
"My moods are fine."

Oh my god. Shoes.

Me: I need a bigger shoe budget. For Lil' Fella.

Husband: Why? You don't even CARE about shoes!

Me: Yeah, for me! Look at these shoes! THEY HAVE OWLS! THEY'RE ADORABLE!

Husband: Honey- those shoes don't even come in Lil' Fella's size.

Me: Well we also need to have another little girl.

Underoos

Husband: OOO Guuuurrl OOOOO

Me: (non committal grunt)

Husband: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Me: What, Honey?

Husband: STARWARS UNDEROOS FOR ADULTS!

Me: Send me the link. Father's Day is coming.

Google Suggestions

ending of a very long conversation about our weight loss goals

Me: Well, you do you, honey.

Husband: I'll do me.

pause

Three times a week.

Me: For your prostate health.

Husband: Right. I'm gonna google that.

GODDAMN IT GOOGLE!

Google should know me well enough by now to know that when I type in "masturbation" it shouldn't suggest "is a sin" to finish it!




BTW- in case you were wondering, a man who ejaculates 21 times per month enjoys a 33% reduction in prostate cancer compared to a man who only ejaculates 4-7 times a month.