Anatomy

Me: Your unborn son has settled very uncomfortably into the right half of my uterus on top of the pokey out bone. It's all crampy.

Husband: Is that the medical name for that bone?

Me: Yeah, probs. #TotesMcGotes

Me: The iliac crest. Did that make it more clear for you?

Husband: It sounds like some dapper gentleman who sips the finest scotch while planning how to make his next 10 million.

Me: LOL

Husband: I don't like him! You better not be banging him.

Me: The important part of this little discussion is, it hurts.and he won't get off.

Husband: Well sometimes when I drink too much it takes me a long time to get off.  It must be bad if you're talking to me while you two are going at it.  Try talking dirty a little.  If that fails tell him...oh wait...we're not talking about you sleeping with some rich dude from the UK are we?

Me: LOL. You are so fucked up.

Husband: Me???  You're the one cheating on me!!! At least have him cover some bills or something.  I'm not saying like a hooker, but don't give the milk out for free!