Short Pants

Me: My sister is coming over to take us to the park.

Husband: Shit, I better put some pants on then.

Me: Why? She can't see you in your sleep shorts?

Husband: I don't want her to see my balls!

Me: They come to your knees!

Husband: I know! I'm getting older you know! It happens to the best of us.

Math

Husband: See this- this is the kind of math I like. The kind that doesn't involve actual math.

Me: mmhmm

Husband: You know that's the reason I never went in to video game design or computers right?

Me: Why? Because you hate math?

Husband: Yeah, and those are all math.

Me: Well honey, you shouldn't let math get in the way of your dreams. You make math your bitch!

Husband: You know, I tried that. I really did. Then math said bend over.

Me: LOL

Husband: Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.