Christmas

Husband: Dude, you're so mad right now.  Shouldn't you be done with Christmas by now?  It's almost time to start shopping for next year!

Me: I'm just saying. There are still 23 days before Christmas.

Husband: 23 days honey!!! 23!!  That's hardly enough time to do everything that needs done for the lord!

Me: Lord jesus please help me not to murder people this holiday season...

Husband: It's bad enough we had to lose 6 days because of stupid Thanksgiving!!!!  I've got shit to do people so fuck off and get the fuck out of my way!!!!  If I don't get these fucking lights up and these god damn cookies done god will smite me!

Me: lol

Husband: Peace on earth and good will toward men will have to wait until I get these fucking Furbies wrapped and under the tree!!!!

Me: Lol goddamn honey, your son is pressing on my bladder 24/7 and I can't pee my pants at work.

Husband: Well if you would have listened to me months ago and let me keep up the lights and shit we'd be ahead right now! But nnnnoooooooooooo!!!  You didn't want to look trashy!

Me: Lol, right

Husband: Its only trashy 8 months out of the year. Don't forget to get corned beef at the store this week, we need to get ready for New Years. Oh, and BTW I'll be going to the fireworks store next week to get shit for the 4th of July

Me: Corned beef is St Patty's Day. New Years is standing rib roast.

Husband: Well get them both!

Me: lol ok