Husband: Cheerios give me gas.
Me: Omg, they do not. EVERYTHING ON THIS PLANET DOES NOT GIVE YOU GAS, IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND!
Husband: They do! Because they've got holes in them!
Me: What the hell do you think chewing your food is for?! Jesus, I think that's the dumbest thing you've ever said!
Husband: No! They do! And it's not the dumbest thing I've ever said! You want to know the dumbest thing I've ever said?!
Husband: This morning, I went out to get in the car and that thistle that was by the door didn't spike me and my first thought was "Who stopped by and weeded?" So I don't know if someone stopped by last night and did some stealth weeding, or if you weeded days ago and I didn't notice until this morning.
Me: No, Cheerios giving you gas because there's a hole in the middle is dumber.