On making cider

Husband: Is there anywhere I can get 100% pure apple squeezings? You know, without preservatives and whatnot?
Me: No they can't sell it without preservative, that shit is a haven for listeria. You know I have an apple orchard at Gaga's right?
Husband: Yeah but we don't have a press or anything. #9 on my list of shit I want to do while I'm home is make my own booze. Hard cider is supposedly easy to make.
Me: Well I was planning on getting a press. We're going to need one when all the baby trees I just planted start bearing fruit.
Husband: Well I could just buy a few bags of apples and a mallet. But I'll probably just sit and drink beer with your dad and brother and talk about doing all that stuff.
Me: If I were a betting woman, that's where I'd put my money.
Husband: There's probably an attachment for our tractor for that. I looked that shit up, you weren't kidding, they make a shitload of stuff for that!
I can see the conversation now, after like 8 beers:
      Your dad: You know, we have all that wood and machines, we could just make a press.
      Your brother: You can get one at Worchester's for like two grand.
      Me: Why don't I just go buy some hard cider?
Me: Lol, yeah you're probably right.