Husband: So I'm probably going to die by the way. Just so you know.
Me: Oh really? Why is that?
Husband: I just ate half of a raw cheeseburger for breakfast. And a Dr Pepper 10.
Me: 1) Why did you eat a raw cheeseburger from the chow hall in Crapistan? B) You're probably not going to die.
Husband: I was hungry and it was all they had. The Dr Pepper 10 was good though.
Me: I would say #firstworldproblems but I'm pretty sure Crapistan is not considered "first world". If you start crapping yourself, go see the medic.
Husband: Yeah, and I'll show him my vagina while I'm there... men don't go to the doctor for food poisoning!