Me: I got cards for your mom and my mom today.
Husband: For what?
Me: Really honey? What holiday is coming up next?
Husband: Well yesterday was May the Fourth... today is Cinqo De Mayo... tomorrow is Revenge of the Sixth...
Me: For moms!
Husband: Well it is national masturbation month but I didn't think you sent cards for that.
Me: You sir, are absurd.
Husband: Is Memorial Day next or is it Labor Day.
Me: Mother's Day you tool!
Husband: No really, which is next Memorial Day or Labor Day? I always get them confused and I never know when I can wear my white pants.